i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
