I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
