he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
