I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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