someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
