My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
