I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
