With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
