After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
