i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
