I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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