Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I would fuck him just for his dog
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
