Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
