I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
