Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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