Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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