I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Randomize
