i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
