my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
