I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You pole danced in your parka.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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