I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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