She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
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And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
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Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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