aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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