Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
