I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
