Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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