I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
