i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
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You took a bar mat shot.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
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I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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