how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
