Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
