I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
