He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
