He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
one might say we're banned from that church
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
