I'd wear matching sweaters with you
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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