My balls are so social today.
It was confusing and full of hummus
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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