That's when you crack a 10am beer
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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