I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
