i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
