then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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