we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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