i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
