it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
