The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
