dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
