I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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