I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
