My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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