just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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