I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
