we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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