I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
