Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
