she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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