she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
