why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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