Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
