is your mom at the bar?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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