Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
