Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
