She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
