Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
