i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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