You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
