after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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