FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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