i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
