? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
