Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
