i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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