Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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