why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Randomize
