I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize