When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
