Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
