check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
