he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
