my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
